What to do When You’re Lonely or Anxious

Teachings from every religion tell us that we are complete and perfect the way we are. 

Well, that sounds fine and dandy, but when you are feeling anxious or lonely, it sure is easy to forget. For me, I always feel isolated and disconnected. It’s a very unsettling feeling, and I feel that discomfort right in my gut.

I watched a video from Jeff Foster recently about How to Not Leave Yourself when You’re Going Through a Breakup– and it really helped me.

Never "Break Up" With Yourself – The Spiritual Invitation of E…

Jeff Foster talks of a 'break-up' as a spiritual opportunity – to meet yourself very deeply. To 'break-up' the addiction to past and future, and connect with your body in the present moment. To not abandon yourself for another person. Filmed in Holland, 2016.

Posted by Jeff Foster (www.lifewithoutacentre.com) on Sunday, November 5, 2017

Jeff Foster talks of a ‘break-up’ as a spiritual opportunity – to meet yourself very deeply. To ‘break-up’ the addiction to past and future, and connect with your body in the present moment. To not abandon yourself for another person.

Now, I am not going through a break up right now, and maybe you aren’t either. But the teaching in this video was so helpful and applicable to everyday living. Especially for an anxious person.

Here are some notes and takeaways from the teaching:

Whenever I feel a sense of loneliness, anxiety or abandonment, I can know that others didn’t abandon me. It was me experiencing separation, trying to get away from the feeling and abandoning myself.

Loneliness, anxiety, and negative emotions like that come from feeling separate. I feel separate, or apart, from others.

But the real reason I feel lonely is because I have separated from myself– from my essence, from consciousness. I think I need something outside me,  to complete me, or to feel better.

But the truth is that we are already complete. However, we have our egos, and hold the belief that we are a person, someone with a story, a past, someone with problems, etc.. This separates us from reality (which is always kinder than our thinking) and covers up who we really are.

In reality we are one with all that is. We are connected to our stillness, to the vast eternal, to consciousness. We are all one consciousness.

We, in our loneliness and anxiety, are like a branch that forgets it a part of a tree.

When we “remember” our completeness, we cannot be lonely. Even if we are alone.

The antidote to this is to not turn away from the unpleasant feeling.

Instead of resisting or turning away, try allowing yourself to feel the unpleasant feelings. Do not resist or try to eat or move or do any addictive behavior to make it go away. For in doing so you abandon yourself. You are looking outside yourself for comfort, for relief.

But the answer, the solution is not “out there.”

Instead be with the feeling completely. Be present to transmute it. Stay with it.

All of a sudden, everything feels better. Lighter…

And also, once we remember we are complete, our energy is different , and we no longer live and act in a lonely, needy way. I have discovered this firsthand in my life.

So now, once we understand this, we can be on guard. When we experience anxiety or loneliness again, we can use this as a wake-up call to practice being present.

To be where you are NOW.

So, when you feel those pangs of negative emotion, you must embrace them. We as humans use everything to cover up and push away loneliness. We eat, shop, watch TV, take pills, drink, gossip, lay on the couch, and do every addictive behavior under the sun.

I am saying We here, but the truth is, I am talking about myself. I have done all of the above and more, to get away from unpleasant feelings.

But to be with the feeling, to turn toward it, you learn to create space around it in the stillness. And once you do that, it goes away pretty quickly.

When I no longer resist an unpleasant feeling, and instead, just give it space to be, it dissolves. It goes back into nothing.

Then once again you feel complete. You are in your natural state.

Your energy field is different. Life become sweeter.

This is a life changing realization. 🙂

Now obviously I’m not at the state where I remember this all the time. That is why I am blogging about it. I am writing it down as a reminder to myself. and also because I hope this reaches others who need to hear it.

A good way, I have found, to stay in a state of connection with others, is to focus on stillness, kindness, and gratitude.

As someone who lived in an anxious state for years, it is second nature for me to feel distant from others.

However, I am unlearning this unnatural way of being, and remembering my true nature, which is to be peaceful and happy among others.

I wish you peace,

Jill G.

Posted in Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Stress Management, Healthy Lifestyle | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Panic Attacks in Children & Childhood Anxiety Disorder Treatment

how to help a child with anxietyUpdate: My nephew Noah (age 9) is currently having much relief from his school anxiety because his parents are using the principles of this program. He is back to his happy self again, and there is no greater feeling than that…

The Anxiety-Free Child Program is a tremendously useful program to help parents with school aged children who are having a rough time with anxiety, panic attacks, and school phobia.

I had the the opportunity to review the whole program and all I can say is, where was this when my daughter Sam was going through her ordeal? This is immediate anxiety help available at your fingertips- strategies you as parents can implement and teach your child right now to empower them and help them start to feel better right away.

Anxiety-Free Child Program


Panic Attacks in Children & Childhood Anxiety Disorder TreatmentAs parents your natural instinct is to soothe your child’s fears. This has been your job from day one. So it is very disturbing when your child suffers from an anxiety disorder or panic attacks. You’d do anything to make your child feel better, if only you knew what in the world to do.

The purpose of this article is to discuss panic attacks in children, explain the symptoms, and discuss childhood anxiety disorder treatment from a mother who has been there.

You can learn how to help a child with anxiety.

Anxiety is a normal part of being a child. Nearly every child is afraid of something at some point. But when a child starts to avoid certain everyday situations because of fear, this is not normal childhood fear. This is a phobia.

When my daughter Samantha was in second grade, she was traumatized by a particularly severe thunderstorm, in which lightning actually struck the convenience store we were in, causing the air conditioning unit to implode and glass to shatter.

Soon after this incident, she became hysterical when it started thundering at a small town carnival and we had to rush to get her to the car. Thunderstorms became a dreaded emotional experience in our household.

In short time, she developed a phobia of not only thunder but clouds, even on sunny days. It got to the point where she would refuse to go outside even on a beautiful summer day, for fear of a thunderstorm.

Signs and Symptoms of panic attacks in children:

A child often doesn’t have the words to describe what is happening to him or her during a panic attack. Even if they can describe their feelings they may be reluctant or embarrassed to let you know how frightened they really are. Therefore as parents and caregivers, it is important to identify the signs and symptoms the child is exhibiting.

The symptoms of panic attacks in children are the same as in adolescents or adults. They include:

  • Shortness of breath or difficulty taking a deep breath
  • Intense fear
  • Racing heartbeat
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Trembling or shaking in the extremities
  • Depersonalization, or a sense of unreality
  • Fear of losing control, dying or going crazy

If panic disorder in children goes unrecognized and left untreated, the complications can be difficult. The attacks begin to interfere with the child’s relationships, school and normal social development. This was the case with me: my untreated panic attacks childhood from abuse I received in my Christian school led to a lifetime (well, 30 plus years) of agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder and panic attacks.

Thankfully, this was not the case with my daughter.

Children with panic attacks can start to feel anxious a good deal of the time, even when they are not actually having a panic attack. For my daughter Samantha, her initial phobia of the thunderstorms developed into a fear of clouds in general, making it very difficult to go outside even on sunny days.

The thunderstorm that started the phobia was in August. When the new school year began the next month, she started to become frightened of going from our house to the bus stop. Every day as the bus pulled away, I had to watch my child crying. It was heartbreaking. We had to speak to the school and arrange for her teacher to physically help Sam get off the bus and into the school. This went on every day for weeks.

Her separation anxiety became more pronounced that fall. Social events such as birthday parties were agonizing for my child. I remember one party that was held at a local gymnastics center. Sam was very excited to go, as she loved this friend and also loved gymnastics. However as we drove to the party, her mood changed and she became frightened.

“Mommy I don’t want to go.”

“Sam honey it will be fun.”

“I want to go home.”

“Sweetie, all your friends are there.”

(crying now) “Mommy I want to go home now!”

By the time we got to the party she was highly frightened and almost inconsolable. She was crying and shaking and I had to hold her physically. After what seemed like forever, I was able to get her to calm down enough to go in. She was clingy and wouldn’t interact with her classmates and friends until almost the end of the party. I felt like a bad mom because she was so frightened and cruel because I pretty much forced her go to the party.

Childhood Anxiety Disorder Treatment

A pediatric psychiatrist stressed that we (we being me and my husband) shouldn’t give into Sam’s avoidance behaviors. This was not as easy as it sounds.

During this phase, we painfully weathered the clouds, the school bus, and the birthday parties. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see her suffer like that. My words and hugs couldn’t soothe her. If you’ve ever tried to sooth a hysterical inconsolable 7 year old girl, and then actually force her to do the very thing she is afraid of, you know how gut wrenching this is.

However, the key is we did seek treatment for her. By following the suggestions of her doctor and not giving into Sam’s panic, we were able to get her to to school every day on the yellow school bus. And we attended every party we were invited to. It was not easy. It would have been far easier to just say, forget this! and go home. And I do admit there were times I really felt like throwing in the towel. I would plead to her doctor, “what the hell good is it for her to go to a party when she’s hysterical?”

Panic attacks in children cause a tremendous amount of suffering, both for the frightened child, and his or her parents or caregivers as well. It is crucial to seek childhood anxiety disorder treatment as soon as you feel your child is experiencing panic attacks. When properly evaluated, like my Sam, childhood panic attacks respond well to treatment.

And speaking of treatment, getting the right help was no walk in the park for us. We saw a total of 3 doctors and 1 social worker to help us with Sam’s anxiety. It was excruciating, expensive, and only 1 doctor helped us at all. If you are deciding to seek therapy for your child, be sure to listen to your instincts and persist until you find one who really knows what they’re doing.

I also suggest you read everything you can about anxiety and panic attacks in children. Our books were the only resources we had in between psychiatrist appointments and they were comforting. Thankfully parents today have even more options.

How to help a Child with Anxiety

As parents, we must advocate for our children. Call your child’s school. Make an appointment with her pediatrician. Ask for a referral to a good pediatric psychologist. Read everything you can. With panic attacks in children, knowledge is key.

I will mention again that the Anxiety Free Child program is an excellent resource if you have an anxious child or if he or she has panic attacks.

Anxiety-Free Child Program

Remember:  You are your child’s best advocate and support person. If your child suffers from panic attacks, don’t wait 2 weeks until you get an appointment with a therapist who may or may not help. You know your child best and can start helping them right away. What a tremendous gift.


The Anxiety Free Child Program

I wish you peace,
Jill G.

p.s. By the end of 2nd grade, Samantha was pretty much back to her old outgoing self. This was due to almost a year of a lot of intense work and the trail and errors I mentioned above. Don’t make your child suffer any longer than necessary. Order The Anxiety Free Child program and start helping your child today.

Posted in Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments

Anxiety is Making My Life Unbearable Again- Is It True?

Today I am going to go through a belief I had recently about anxiety. I will hold this belief up against the 4 questions of The Work of Byron Katie.

Let me show you how, by using 4 Simple Questions and then finding Turnarounds, I was able to set myself free of a belief that was causing me much pain and mental anguish.

My hope is that, by seeing this simple process here, you will be inspired to use The Work on your own limiting beliefs – about anxiety, stress, worry, or anything that is causing you to suffer.

This is a simple way to find peace and freedom! And freedom from suffering is our birthright! 🙂

Ok, so here is the belief that was troubling me:

Anxiety is making my life unbearable again.

Question 1: Is It True?

Hell yes! I was in complete torture in the weeks leading up to my recent flight. How stupid fucking anxieyt wrapped its tentacles around me again after doing so well for so long, I’ll never know. It sucks! I’m so sick of this nonsense. I was going to cancel my trip, it was so bad. It was messing up my life!

Question 2: Can You Absolutely Know It’s True?

Well, I don’t know, let me think about it. Can I ABSOLUTELY know it’s true that anxiety is making my life unbearable again?

Um, I don’t know. I can still function, I can work, I can eat, I can cook, I can drive, I can do what I need to do. I am still here. I am basically ok I guess if it weren’t for that upcoming flight.

So absolutely, in the highest sense, I guess I can’t know it’s absolutely true that anxieyt is making my life unbearable. I can’t know that for sure. Thre are times when I’m not thinking about it and I’m fine. Ok, so…


Question 3: How Do You React When You Believe The Thought?

When I believe that anxieyt is making my life unbearable again I feel a total loss of control. I feel the anxiety in the pit of my stomach, and let it take me away. I stay in the fearful nightmare. Can’t relax, can’t talk to Bob, can’t communicate with family or friends, thoughts come in that tell me I’m all alone, it will never end.

It takes over my perception and makes life hell. It makes everything scary. I notice I’m almost paranoid. looking around every corner. Living very carefully, cautiously. Seeing the world this way, everything looks dark, menacing, threatening. Life is hell. HELL.

Question 4: And Who Would You Be Without The Thought?

(Meaning, who would you be if it weren’t possible for you to think the thought ‘Anxiety is Making My Life Hell Again’?)

Without the thought, I would just be the witness of it. Creating space around it with a clear mind.

I could feel anxiety, I could feel it as a gnawing pit in my stomach and just notice it. Just notice it as a benign physical sensation without having a horrendous story attached to it. It’s not really that bad when I experience it this way actually…

Now Find Genuine Turnarounds to the Original Statement. Ones that are As True or Truer than the Original Statement.

1. Anxiety is making my life easy again

How is this true? It’s true because when I notice it now, I feel like shit for awhile, but not for long. It prompts me to take action and help myself.

I am getting a crash course in self care, and staying grounded in the present.

I have had moments of sheer overload of gratitude when the anxiety goes away. When I listen to a helpful audio (like this one), or listen to the Alter Picture Audio from the 60 Second Panic Solution.  Such moments of peace and love that wells up from within, once the anxiety melts away. The love feels so strong, I almost can’t contain it.

So many things to help me. To realize and be appreciative that there are so many things that helped me get through that anxious phase. It was very life affirming! All I had to do was make myself receptive and available to receiving help!

Thank you Lord!

It also helps me be connected in the world. I know I am not alone in my suffering.

I am learning to accept and love my nervous system. What a strange but welcome feeling! For years and years I just hated everything about my nervous system and my tendency to feel anxious. I even remember a time I wanted to have surgery to have the anxious part of my brain removed!

Thankfully I am kinder to myself today.

I am learning, in baby steps, to experience anxiety without a story. To just watch the sensation without naming it.

And when I can do that, guess what, it goes away! It’s not really the monstrous. malevolent creature I thought it was. Hallelujah!!

I am having moments of peace…. I can notice that even during a stressful time, there are breaks from it. They do come. I just have to be still enough to notice.

I am unraveling decades of conditioning, old stories, just watching and it is absolutely fascinating on some level. Fascinating to see that it was just my thinking that needs to change, and nothing more!

And such great news, because truly, my thinking is the only thing in this world that I have absolute control over! 🙂

2. My Thinking is making my life unbearable again.

Yes! Bingo! That’s it! It attaches to a story of continuous suffering and anxiety. That my children are not ok, that Bob is not ok, that I am not ok. That I can’t travel, that I can’t enjoy life. That families like mine cannot heal from trauma.

When I am in that story,  I am in a nightmare and lose touch with reality and my life becomes unbearable. The truth is anxiety comes and goes. When it comes I attach to a story and it is hell.


I hope you can see from my example how it’s not anxieyt that causes our suffering. It’s THE STORY we weave around the situation and believe that causes the suffering.

And once we loosen our grip on that story, the story itself doesn’t feel so real, so powerful anymore. And naturally then, the anxiety and all the drama around it starts to naturally fade away.

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” – Byron Katie

Here are some other posts about using The Work that you will want to read:

How the Mind Twists Reality into Hell- And The Way Back to Peace

How to Notice When Your Thinking is Distorted

Doing Byron Katie’s The Work for Panic Attacks

I wish you peace,

Jill G.

Resources for you:

To learn more about The Work, see this site (it is free): http://thework.com/en

Highly recommended reading (this book is on my nightstand) : Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Posted in Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Healthy Lifestyle | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Facing Anxiety Head On: From Ferris Wheels to Flying Alone

We’re almost half way into October and I realized I haven’t posted here in quite awhile. My life has been sort of all over the place. I had a big challenge to endure at the end of September – namely, my flight to and from Aruba.

I spoke about this a little in my last post: how I have always loved and looked forward to flying, and how sucky it was for anxiety to creep into that area of my life too. Over the last few years whenever I had to fly, I have been white knuckling it. By that I mean, taking medication, and doing my best to distract myself. Basically hating every minute, and just wanting it to be over with.

Well, the way this particular vacation happened seemed to be the “Perfect Storm” for my anxiety to rear it’s ugly head and make my life absolute and complete hell. As in the 2 weeks leading up to the flight, I was almost in a paralyzed state. The fear was that intense.

I was freaked out, of course, but also had the presence of mind to know I needed to take action, and fast. Continue reading

Posted in Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Using The Law of Attraction to Heal Anxiety

If you get quiet enough, sometimes you get certain insights that can only be described as grace. These insights can help to make life better for us. Today I want to talk about how I am using the Law of Attraction to heal myself of anxiety. My hope is this will inspire you to do the same! 🙂
Recently a dear friend went home to China for a 3 week visit. When she came back to work, she excitedly brought me into the locker room to give me a special gift- a little statue of a cabbage. She said, “This will bring you good luck with EVERYTHING.”

When I got home I researched this little cabbage statue, and indeed it is meant to bring 100 years of prosperity. I decided to take my friend’s word for it. She is just the kindest, nicest, and most well-meaning person I know. When I got home from work that evening, I placed the little cabbage statue near my computer so I could see it every day.

Not a few days later, my husband invited me to watch a free movie on Amazon Prime with him. My husband is not spiritual at all. This movie came out some years ago, and the book was a best seller. The movie was The Secret. Continue reading

Posted in Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Stress Management, Healthy Lifestyle | Tagged , | Leave a comment

How the Mind Twists Reality into Hell- And The Way Back to Peace

Eckhart Tolle teaches that the thinking mind is very dysfunctional and most humans live in a state of deep seated lack. This sense of lack manifests differently for different people. For me it has always been anxiety.

That my mind is still dysfunctional was abundantly clear to me last Sunday morning. I am completely off all anxiety and depression medication (except on an as needed basis) And it’s easy to remember why I went on it them in the first place, all those years ago, in my teens. I still live with such a negative mind.

It feels like the goal of my mind is to keep me in fear and anxiety, to keep me guarded and cut off. It’s awful when it kicks up.

Take last Sunday. It was a perfectly glorious June morning. The sun was out, birds were singing, you couldn’t ask for more. And almost as soon as I woke up from my restful sleep, the thoughts started: Continue reading

Posted in Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Panic Attacks Info Tip #2: When Fear Comes, Wait

In a recent post we looked at an important Panic Attacks Info Tip #1: to Expect, Allow, and Accept – not fight, resist or deny- when your anxiety does come.

Today we will expand a little more on our 10 Rules for Coping with Panic Attacks, specifically Rules #5: Wait for the Fear to Pass, and #6: Notice When it Fades. We can encompass both these rules into this one helpful tip:

Today’s Panic Attacks Info Tip is: When Fear Comes, Wait.

Let it be.

When you experience fear and anxiety or an impending panic attack, your natural impulse is to flee and run rather than to stay and feel the fear. But this is the exact opposite of what you need to do in order to get better. Continue reading

Posted in Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Enjoying Spring- and Spring Cleaning My Mind :)

What a nice spring we are having. I just came in from taking Buddy around the block and down to the little lake we have near our house. All the little buds and leaves are coming out. The forsythia are just past their prime, as well as the daffodils and early spring flowers. And the birds are all around singing and happy. The grass is really green, it’s been raining a lot.

all healing is essentially the release from fear

Walking, I felt such gratitude for this mild afternoon. I’d woken up with some anxiety, but worked on getting my head straightened out.

I listened to some spiritual things that really brought me a lot of comfort today. There was a prayer I read from A Course in Miracles that I just loved. I shared it on Facebook earlier. Here it is: Continue reading

Posted in Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Tagged , | 6 Comments