Yesterday I got the very good news that my lump is benign. So very grateful. Thank you Lord and thank you to everyone who sent a prayer or good wish.
The procedure I had done is called a core needle biopsy. I did not have a good experience. Something went wrong and the doctor hit an area with no numbing medicine. The machine jumped and hit a nerve or something. I bled a lot and it was very painful. My boob is still bruised and sore.
It just so happens that 2 other girls that I work with also had breast biopsies last week. One of them- her name is Sue- a very sweet girl who I like a lot- found out she has invasive breast cancer. She is going to Sloane Kettering today with her husband.
So very sad for her news. She is around my age and has 2 young adult children. She looked so fragile and scared to me at work yesterday. I know she is trying to be brave for her family.
I just can’t believe how pervasive breast cancer is in our society today. God bless all the brave women who have to fight this battle.
I wish you peace,
I started keeping a diary at age 10. I got my first one as a Christmas present- it was a One Year Diary- with a fancy maroon cover and gold writing. It came with a tiny little lock and key.
I loved it and wrote in it faithfully almost every day. When I finished that diary the following December, there was a shiny new one wrapped under the tree.
Once I outgrew the little lock and key variety, i just started journaling in notebooks. Over the years I filled up tons of them.
Lately I feel compelled to get rid of junk and clutter that’s just laying. I found myself going thorough the back of my closet and skimming through years and years of dusty old journals. I truly don’t want to hold onto my sad story any longer. I made it a point to scan through every notebook before I put it in the trash pile. But interestingly, I am finding very little that I think is worth keeping… Continue reading
Buddy in the waiting room at the vets. Scared to death.
My dog and I have matching lumps.
I ended up having 2 days off this week out of the blue. I have a bunch of appointments I’d been putting off, like the dog’s yearly check up at the vet, my mammogram, and other stuff. So I booked them all over these 2 days.
When I took Buddy for his yearly checkup earlier this week, I had the vet examine a pretty large lump under his right arm. It’s concerning because I notice he limps a little once in awhile and yelps a little when he jumps out of the back of the car. She said it’s either arthritis or it could be from the lump. And she took a biopsy of it. Continue reading
Posted in Panic Attacks
This is definitely a new phase of life and I’m not comfortable with it yet. We got my daughter off to school last Saturday and it was a good day. She’s doing quite well, from what I can gather, thank You Lord. It just felt surreal for her to be separating from us in such a permanent fashion. I cried for about a good solid hour on the ride home. My heart hurt.
So it’s definitely an adjustment having one less person in the house. It’s neither good nor bad, but it is different. And I miss her.
I ran into a coworker at Target who just got her son off to school and she said “My life is over.” I’m real glad I don’t feel that way. But I can empathize with her. She is divorced from a guy who was a jerk and a cheater. Although my marriage is far from perfect, we’ve made a lot o progress since our bad years.
Monday I worked a full day. I found myself feeling highly sensitized. No doubt because I was still reeling from the weekend and just reality and life seemed different with my daughter gone. Plus I was still anxious about her as she hadn’t checked in with us that much. Wondering is the ok, is she dealing ok, etc etc. Continue reading
My eldest child is leaving for college in 3 days.. Need to do something about how I’m feeling inside. I decided just this minute to do an exercise of Inquiry from Byron Katie, Loving What Is:
I’m afraid that my daughter won’t be able to handle herself emotionally at college. So I will do “The Work” on this statement.
My daughter won’t be able to handle herself emotionally at college.
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true that your daughter won’t be able to handle herself at college?
I needed to get still and sit with this for a good few minutes. Ok.. No. Continue reading
For the past 2 or so months, I have been learning about and practicing focusing on inner body awareness to achieve a state of stillness in the present moment.
This is where you concentrate on feeling the energy or aliveness in your body. For those of you that don’t yet know how to do this, I will show you later in this post
But first I want to share with you some of the wonderful benefits I have noticed by doing this pretty consistently. Now of course my thinking mind always tries to take over, but I am finding with practice that being present in the moment through inner body awareness gets easier and easier. My hope is that you will give this a try for yourself and make it part of your daily life… Continue reading
Living with fear and being defined by what your anxiety tells you what you can and can’t do is a recipe for misery. It is frustrating, constricting, makes you lose your self esteem and takes the spontaneity and joy out of your life.
When anxiety is lurking in the background, you feel it and know it’s there. You live your days hoping and praying that it won’t strike and cause a panic attack. And you are never free.
As you know, these last 2 months I have been using the gifts of Present Moment Awareness as well as the 60 Second Panic Solution program.
Every day is a new opportunity to learn more about myself and learn more about living in a state of calm without projecting onto old mind patterns… Continue reading