Last night as I was getting up from the couch and going to bed, my husband announced that that hot water heater was broken. I was too tired to even think about it.
While I was lying in bed I heard him and his brother downstairs trying to figure it out.
I didn’t sleep well last night and I woke up pretty early to sit for a few minutes quietly in meditation. My inner peace has to be my number one priority these days. So I sat there and just listened to my breath and did my best to be in a calm state.
What I am doing right now is a little exercise to help me get through what will otherwise probably be a very stressful and unpleasant day.
I’m trying to think of all the reasons why this problem is a good thing.
Here’s the background facts- the hot water heater is broken. My husband is very good at figuring out how things work– but he is prone to anger and he yells and swears A LOT.
His anger and yelling have been one of the bains of my existence in our marriage and that is no joke.
So what I HAVE to do today is keep my composure and keep it together.
I need to guard myself and keep myself serene. I cannot afford to lose myself in anger or self-pity…If I go into negative thinking it will be a bottomless pit. I can’t afford that, not for one second.
Why it’s AWESOME that our hot water heater is broken today:
I’ts mild out, not freezing. Because the basement door is going to be open all day. If this was 3 weeks earlier, I would be freezing and miserable.I can not tolerate the cold and our house is not insulated well at all. So Thank you Lord for that!
If this happened 2 months ago, my husband probably wouldn’t have been mentally able to try to fix it. He was deep into his depression and laying on the couch. So it would have been up to me to figure out what to do and that would have been a major pain in the ass.
I’m thankful that this happened in a time in my life when I am taking EXCELLENT care of myself. I know if he yells and carries on, it is NOT ABOUT ME.
I know enough not to take it personally. Even if it feels like it’s personal.
Anger and yelling is basically a temper tantrum. And what I have learned is where there is anger there is always pain and fear underneath.
My husband is very broken, but he is healing. And that is his business.
My healing is my business. I can use this as an opportunity to be kind… Kind to him, and kind to myself.
I can have compassion for my younger self. If this was 5 years ago, I wouldn’t have the insight not to take his outbursts personally. I used to take it all in and feel horrible and shaky inside. And then hate him for making me feel this way. And hate myself for putting horrible energy out for the kids.
And so far he hasn’t really been a jerk. Thank God. I’m sure in part it’s because I’m not being a jerk to him.
And thank God for Buddy. Because he always needs to go for a walk, I can take him out anytime. All day if need be. Not that I need to take him out all day. But I don’t ever have to feel trapped in the house with a screaming and ranting spouse and that is a very good thing! So I am very grateful for my sweet dog.
I am going to take it moment by moment.
I had such a nice easy plan for this day. It’s true what they say, we make plans and God laughs… I can’t do laundry or wash the bathrooms…
You know what that’s not true either. I can do cold washes and I can use the microwave to make hot water for dishes and for cleaning. And of course for a nice sink bath. 😛
That’s actually such a cool idea!
Yesterday outside the hospital I noticed the daffodils are starting to come up. (((Spring is coming)))
He just yelled his first “Fuck!” from the basement…
Ok guys, wish me luck. I am going to take this day and make it a calm and serene one. I can do this!!
How’s your weekend going? Let me know, I’d love to chat! Can you think of a time when you had something happen and you turned that problem into an opportunity to help yourself?
Wishing you peace and hot water,