I’ve had 2 panic attacks in the last 2 days. Nothing gut-wrenching. Both happened at work. I didn’t fall to pieces afterwards. That is progress.
But it’s bugging me. It did get me wondering what is going on with me lately. I know when anxiety and panic kick up, it’s a good time to brainstorm my coping skills and triggers and just where I am in general.
I am doing this just off the cuff here. Ok, let’s dig into this…
Am I premenstrual?
No- that is always a big trigger.
How’s the diet?
Amazingly good for the last 5 days or so. (I’ve been inhaling food like an animal all fall, my way of dealing with the stress of getting my daughter on track with her college applications). I have been mindful of keeping away from gluten and bulking up on protein and salads. Feeling good in that area.
Have I been moving/exercising?
Not as much as usual. We are down one nurse in my department, so I have been working every day. That is good, but I can’t get to the gym. I just haven’t had the time.
How’s the marriage?
Well that’s always a challenge. My husband’s bipolar has kicked up for him a few times recently. That always makes it rough. We haven’t been intimate in about 2 months. Lack of intimacy does make me feel a bit disconnected, but I can roll with it pretty well usually. That may be a factor…
How are my connections to people in general?
I feel close to a girl at work. We have had lunch and work together really well. I have gone out with different groups of freinds at work on 2 separate occasions recently. Very happy to feel as if I fit in. I am going to another get together this Friday at another friend’s house.
So the work end is great. I do feel distance from my sister. She travels a lot for her work and when she is home, she is always with her partner. Our phone calls are less than they used to be, which makes me kind of sad.
Well this may sound nutty but it IS a full moon. I do think that affects people. whenever it is a full moon, for example in the ER where i work, it gets absolutely crazy with sick people. That may be a factor.
I miss my mom. Haven’t seen her in months because of being busy…
I feel pressure because it is the Christmas season- well, in the stores anyways. I don’t spend a lot, but I like to get little things, and have not had the time to get out. This past weekend I planned to shop and start tackling my list, but I got called in to work, so that was a bust. I feel a little stress from that.
A lot of stuff coming up this week. 3 different appointments for the kids for things, also parent teacher conferences. Hard to juggle all that with working full time hours.
Hmm. Not sure. I think that about covers it. As someone who is highly susceptible to sensitization, when a few things are off kilter, that can certainly set me up for having panic attacks.
I did notice that when I had the one yesterday, I regressed in the moment. I forgot that I am the one in charge and I can still function. In the moment, I withdrew and sort of gave into the fear feelings. I was supposed to give report to the OR nurse on a patient while I was recovering another patient.
I knew the patient from head to toe, had a complete history, knew all the details, the labs, etc.
Something about the people in the room- it felt like there were too many people just hanging around. I could tell it was going to happen. That is usually my cue to do the Face, Accept, Float, and Let Time Pass. But I forgot.
When the nurse came over for report, that’s when it hit. I gave a really shortened version of what I wanted to say. I walked back over to my sleeping patient, and kind of blurted out the rest of the report in pieces. It was awkward.
It wasn’t a big deal. But it kind of was. To me. I don’t like it when I give in to anxiety and let it overtake me.
Note to self: You are a wonderful, strong child of God. You are FINE. It’s not a big deal.
Gonna dust myself off and get back in the game. I meant to go over some of my old posts, as this always helps remind me how far I’ve come, but last night I was just too tired.
Sending a prayer to all those in need of support today- myself included. I am thankful to be able to go the gym this morning. I am going to focus on feeling good today. When I go to work later today, I will be good.
I wish you peace,