Feeling Lonely- My Plan of Action


Lately I have been dealing with loneliness and I needed to make it stop.

Over the week or so, I notice some old noxious thought patterns starting to weasel their way into my head. I have been feeling lonely and separate from others, both at work and with my relatives and family. While I know these thoughts aren’t true, they feel real and in the moment I believe them…

This is one of the things that I absolutely love about recovering from anxiety. Once you spend enough time figuring out what makes you tick, and especially the things that trigger your anxiety, you get to the point where anytime you feel bad for awhile, you can trace it to the source- and then do something constructive about it.

Lately my old low self esteem memories have been just taking over. Little things have been happening in my day to day life and in my head I blow everything out of proportion. Then I feel even more disconnected from others and sadness sets in.

Example: A girl at work mentions she is having her book club come over tonight. Zing.. Wow, she has friends that come to her house regularly. I wish I was in a book club!

Example: Another girl at work mentions some people are getting together at Jane’s house. A psychic is coming over and doing readings on the girls. Zing… why wasn’t I invited? Wtf? No one asked me. Wah!

Example: My sister and brother are both going to be in my home town last weekend. My mother urges me on the phone to come. Zing, wah! No one called and specifically asked me to come. My feelings are hurt and I am angry.

Example: I tell my husband the other night that I feel lonely because we never do anything. Meanwhile he is trying to fix our pool pump which is broken and hence the water is green and slimy. He’s over his head in work and he just looks at me like I have 2 heads. Bastard…

I could go on and on. Lately it seems everything is making me feel bad. I feel left out, lonely, alone.

source: http://commons.wikimedia.org

source: http://commons.wikimedia.org

It is not uncommon for anxiety sufferers to also do battle with that other nemesis, depression. When I start to feel depression creeping up, I can get in a real funk and it’s not healthy.

Last night I started to write it out in order to get to the bottom of why I feel so shitty lately and it occurred to me that I am doing a lot of comparing my self to others. The act of putting pen to paper and writing about was very helpful.

I decided the antidote for this funk I’m in is to have a massive attitude of gratitude.

Whenever I take the focus off the problems in my head and put my energy and thought into feeling thankful, I always feel better!

Just discovering a solution for me felt better. So today I turn over a new leaf and focus on all the things I have to be grateful for, instead of wallowing in self pity and keeping my thoughts turned inwards, where it’s all doom and gloom!

Dealing with Loneliness Plan – So good to have a plan! :)

Things I did to feel better…

1. I tried to make someone feel better.

I called my mother-in-law this morning to wish her a happy birthday. She is not someone I have a great relationship with, so I’m sure a call from me would have been unexpected. Well, it went straight to voicemail, but I left a heart felt message wishing her a happy day and telling her we love her and are so happy she is healthy and we can’t wait to take her out to dinner this week to celebrate.

2. I was present and listened to a friend.

I reached out with my heart. I listened. This morning I spoke to my friend on the phone. She is having a really hard time with her work situation and wants to leave, but needs the money. I remained present and listened, instead of offering her advice or telling her “Oh don’t worry it will all be ok!” Anyways, during the course of the conversation, she said “you’re one of my best friends”. My heart just filled with such happiness!

Just when I’m starting to believe in my head that I don’t have any friends again, the next person I speak to tells me how I’m one of her best friends. (Nina, you’re one of mine too! :) God how I love her!

3. Take the goodness into the world

I intend to carry this energy into work today and to fully focus on others, whether it be my coworkers or patients. I will look to be helpful and of service. When I stay out of my head, it’s like staying out of a bad neighborhood, lol! I will be pleasant and not engage in gossip or speaking or thinking badly about anyone.

I picked up a cute birthday card for a coworker and threw in a few lottery tickets. That felt good…

Such a joy to be having this little problem of feeling lonely and figuring out what to do to nip it in the bud. :)

Lord how I remember being so racked with anxiety and panic in the past I couldn’t even think straight or think at all. I am so very very grateful to be in this healthy space. I am living a good life. And today I won’t forget this!

4. I remembered to pray.

I will send prayers and healing positive thoughts to my readers.

I think about you guys a lot, when I’m out there in the real world. I often send a prayer to my online friends in need. I know I do not suffer alone and the fact that we are all in this anxiety boat together gives me great comfort. I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual and I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking. I know that when we send healing positive energy and direct it towards others, it does help.

So I will remember to be grateful today for the many kind people I have met online over the years of penning this blog. I feel I have shared your struggles and triumphs, as you have shared mine too.

If you have been feeling lonely or dealing with loneliness, know that getting out of your head and more engaged in the world feels better. Here are some tutorial to help you:

Comparing to Others- Why We Do It & How To Stop

Anxiety & Coping With Loneliness

Stop Being A Victim – You Deserve So Much Better!

7 Ways to Increase Self Esteem

Social Anxiety and Friends

The Truth – fantasy vs reality

5 Life Lessons Learned from Having Panic Attacks

I feel so much better now! Life is good! Thank you Lord!

I wish you peace,

Jill G.

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4 Responses to Feeling Lonely- My Plan of Action

  1. Tara says:

    Good for you I will say a prayer for you as we’ll… Your writings help me so much I airways feel like no one understands then I read your posts and events thank you I am grearful

    • JillG says:

      Thank you Tara for the kind comment and the prayer. You know, one of the main reasons I started this blog is to be reminded that others DO understand and go through similar stuff. It feels good to know we’re not alone. xx

  2. maz says:

    You’ve always got me friend even though we’re an ocean away. Don’t feel lonely my lovely friend you can talk to me anytime

    Luv Maz x

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