Now that the year is coming to a close, everyone starts to think about New Years Resolutions and how next year can be better. And I’m no different. I feel like I’ve come a long way using my own anxiety self help skills. But I still have dreams and goals that I want to achieve when it comes to facing my fears and living a full and wonderful life of quality.
I thought it might be easier for me to make a list of things I can work on NOT doing anymore and use that as a New Years Resolution list.
For example, I want to work on noticing and rooting out my negative thoughts. I mean really, REALLY work on it. Being that I was crippled with anxiety and panic attacks for decades I realize this is a tall order- since anxiety and irrational thinking go hand in hand.
Yesterday I was in a crappy mood for a good part of the day.
I woke up not feeling rested. I was really irritable and anxious. The kids were home of course since it’s winter break, and they were just doing their own thing. Pretty soon I was feeling overwhelmed with thoughts of wanting to run away. My thoughts were out of control with negativity.
I was feeling less than others- thinking I’m not enough of a mom, enough of a friend, enough of a person. If only i wasn’t anxious, my life would be fine. I would have friends, I wouldn’t be scared all the time. Are my kids ok or are they learning to be afraid from me? Have I ruined their lives? Are they going to be messed up for years like me??…etc. Dark thoughts of that nature…
My friend emailed me some supportive kind words and I emailed her back…
Thank you for the kind words. I just have to be diligent on not letting my mind get the better of me. I know I am fine, and not less than others, but the negative thinking is such a (bad) habit. it’s something I have to work on all the time. And when I feel spent- like now, because of the holidays and working, it’s easy for my mind to get the better of me and just make me crazy. Which then leads to anxiety and then panic.
Who was putting all this nonsense into my head? Me and only me. No one has ever uttered any of the statements above about me. In fact:
I know I’m a damn good mom- my kids are my life. I do everything for them. When one of my girls had a bout with anxiety in grade school, I dealt with it head on. Panic attacks in children are tricky but my husband and i were diligent and we worked with the school and doctors and long story short, she barely remembers it now.
I live and breathe for my girls. I have even not worked and been a stay at home mom (probably longer than was necessary) to make sure I was always around when and if they needed me- and even so they just knew I was there no matter what. We definitely could have used the income from my job, but I made my kids my first priority.
I could go on and on. Anyhow, that is my New Years Resolution #1- Stop Questioning My Worth As a Mother
And I know I’ve been a good friend. In fact I am probably more faithful than a Golden Retriever. I have loved friends to a fault. To the point where they can just shit all over me and take me for granted and I just keep loving them anyways.
Ok so maybe that’s still a bit messed up. what I am learning to do at the ripe age of 46 is to choose my friends more carefully now. Juggling social anxiety and friends has always been hard for me. In the new year I intend to honor myself more as a person and not measure my self worth by the number of freinds I can count on my hands- or hand, lol.
This I can bundle right into the thinking that I am not enough of a person.
Even typing it the words it sound so messed up. Really? Not enough of a person for whom? Who thinks this way?
Well I used to. I know this is a deeply rooted feeling I have from my teenage years when my anxiety was out of control and I wasn’t getting any help of course. I turned on myself and was filled with self loathing.
So hear me Jill, loud and clear. Do not go there. Do not for one second question your worth as a person. The frightened teenager may still be deep within you, but you are not too damaged to heal. You ARE healing. Every day. Your life is the proof. Your world once confined and dictated by the hell of living with anxiety is slowly opening up. You are going to work HARD on this:
New Years Resolution #2- Stop Questioning My Worth As a Friend, A Person…Period!
I’ve said it to others and it certainly applies to me: I am a powerful, competent woman. I have what it takes to beat my anxiety for good. I am determined to live a full life of quality- despite my decades of living anxious. And I am doing so very well. I still stumble and have slips with both the anxiety and the thinking that goes along with it. But by and large I am doing very, very well.
When I had those horrible negative thoughts yesterday, I can see now it was because I was physically exhausted from the holidays. I was tired from work. I’d been doing too much lately and also eating a ton of rich food that just happens to be everywhere in abundance this time of year.
Whenever a mind is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Sick, it is very easy to slip into anxious, irrational thoughts without even realizing it. (for more on this see HALTS for Coping With Panic Attacks).
This is my New Years Resolution #3- To Never EVER Give Up.
This year I WILL: Live, live large and live well. Participate in life. Smile. Be a friend. Love myself. Have compassion. Love more. Fear less. Take care of my health. Honor my body. Give thanks every day for the blessings I do have. Don’t forget to breathe. This I can do….
It’s MY job to take care of me. No one else can do it for me. Likewise it’s your job to take care of you.
Has anxiety beat you down? Do you have to fight your thoughts to stay in the positive? Do your thoughts berate you and judge you and make you feel less than or things like that because you have anxiety?
Please know that every good thing I’ve said about myself in this post applies to YOU as well!
Can you think of some New Years Resolutions about anxiety to help yourself? Things you can do for yourself or things you no longer want to do in order to getting you closer to your goals for living panic free and anxiety free?
Happy New Year!
I wish you peace,