I ended up not going to the neighbor’s candle party the other night. I didn’t get home until after the party started and I was exhausted from working a 10 hour day.
When I was pulling into my driveway and saw the cars parked outside the candle party house, I tried to gauge if I was really too tired to go, or was I making an excuse so I wouldn’t get social anxiety symptoms or panic.
I was happy to discover that my self esteem is improving, because I really was too tired ….
I posted about this on Facebook and the conversation was really interesting.
Here is a part of that conversation:
Guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t relish the thought of attending the next Pampered Chef, Candle Lite, Lia Sophia, Home Interiors, or Scrap-booking party.
Unfortunately, when you have school aged children, these “mom parties” seem to be all the rage. And if you have social anxiety, well I don’t have to tell you what a pain in the rear end this can be…
In my case, since I have a lot of neighbors, most of whom also have school aged children, I get a lot of these invites in my mailbox. It’s not a popularity thing. I’m convinced it’s a location thing.
If I lived in the middle of the woods, I’d be home free
So while I don’t love these parties, I do go to them every few months or so.
The thing I am learning though is that I do have choices about these parties. I used to get the invitations and then mark the calender and fret and worry and make myself sick with anxiety up to the very last minute.
Never once did I think I had any choice in the matter than to attend and feel like crap because of the anxiety, and then also feel like crap because I wasn’t in the mom clique.
Part of improving self esteem involves learning that I always have choices about what I will or will not do.
I heard a popular radio host say something that made me think the other day.
Someone called in and asked him why doesn’t he attend white house dinners, etc?
He said something to this effect:
“I don’t have any responsibility or obligation to these people. So why would I want to be around people that don’t like me- wearing a tux no less??
He didn’t waver for one second with his answer, and I was pretty impressed. Now to me, that is a great sense of self esteem.
I am working on improving self esteem little by little too. While I’m not as self-assured as this radio personality, I consider myself a work in progress.
The fact that I was going to attempt to go to this party just for the sake of doing it for exposure therapy practice shows that I’ve come a long way.
I’m learning that I really don’t care whether I’m in the mom clique or not. I care more about how I feel and being nice to people in general. I’m not trying to win any popularity contests anymore. That feels good.
I think I’m growing up…
I wish you peace,
Recommended resource that can help you relax at your next Mom party: Overcoming Shyness & Social Anxiety Self Hypnosis Download.