Ok people… Whether you’ve been cruising along and feeling fine or going though some major setbacks in your anxiety recovery, today I want us all to dig deep into our minds and hearts and plant a little seed of gratitude..Because surely it will grow and make your day better.
Yes, that’s right, today is none other than…
Thankful Thursday Volume 2!
So the task here is to come up with a few things you are grateful for TODAY. It doesn’t have to be anxiety-related, but of course it can. Nothing feels as good as when you get into an attitude of gratitude.
Ok I’ll start. Today I am so thankful for these things:
1. I heard from an old friend this week. I have a friend in my life who moved away years ago. I adored her as a teen and we did a lot together in our 20s. I considered her my best friend. After we had kids, I was deeply into my whole mess with anxiety and panic attacks, and we kept in touch less and less…
To the point where she contacted me last year as an afterthought to tell me that her father had passed away. I was so hurt. I loved her and I loved her dad. I would have wanted to come to the funeral. The fact that she didn’t even think about me was hurtful. Not to take away from what she was going through, but we had been in contact enough for me to know that he was sick. And I told her more than once to please keep me posted, let me know if she needed me to come up to stay with her etc.
So I’m grateful that I heard from her, but more importantly, that I didn’t have any expectations about it. I am done mourning over the loss of closeness with her and didn’t have any distorted perceptions that she considers me my best friend or can’t wait to come and visit me. So that’s something to be proud of for sure!
2. I heard from another old friend this week. She sent me a one sentence email telling me she missed me and loved me. This girl is someone who I also invested a lot of my friendship energies into. We met in Al-Anon and became very close. I felt so happy that someone wanted to befriend me and we talked almost daily, she came over my house (no freinds come to visit me over my house), I went to her house (and it goes to follow I don’t have friends to visit either). We were freinds, like bffs. This felt strange but healthy and man did I love this girl.
Until she completely stopped talking to me and dumped me almost 2 years ago without as much as one word of explanation.
When that happened, I was at a low in my anxiety recovery and I was absolutely devastated. She wouldn’t answer my phone calls, emails, nothing. I tried to talk to her in person at an Al-Anon meeting but it was like it was like she was a different person.
I was sad, confused, scared and lonely again. And it was like being in the freaking Twilight Zone, high school edition.
So when this
friend whack job contacted me with the one sentence email telling me she loved me, I had the self esteem and enough love for myself to hit *delete* and just be ok with it.
I am not trying to be cruel. Maybe she was going through something in her life when she dumped me. But, I am not like a blow up person that you can just throw away when you’re done being my friend. I know if she sent me that stupid email even a year ago I would have replied with a huge apology for anything I did wrong and pleaded with her for a some measly crumb of friendship…
So I am hugely thankful for the fact that while social anxiety and friends has always been difficult for me, I am learning how to form healthy boundaries with people and not be a human doormat anymore.
3. I am so thankful that I have been being kind to my husband. I told you about my anger management issues with him a while ago and Thank God in heaven I have been remembering to be courteous and kind to him. The atmosphere in my house has been so peaceful. It is so nice not to be a bitch all the time. I hope I remember to keep it up.
4. I am thankful for my brother.
I am not really close to my brother. He lives in Chicago with his family. I rarely see him, but when I do, I get anxious and tongue tied. I always feel like he’s the rich baby brother and I am the poor, unstable older sister. Like the pharmacist I made eye contact with yesterday, my brother is someone who really doesn’t know I’m better now, but I wish he did.
Despite all these issues, yesterday we had a really nice phone conversation. I wasn’t in a rush to get off the phone because I was afraid of talking to him like usual. Well that’s not entirely true, I was a little anxious at times. But overall it was pretty nice.
5. You might be wondering why all these droves of people have been contacting Miss Popular here. Well it was my birthday a few days ago. While I’m certainly not thrilled to be 46(!) and I am not into celebrating it, surely it beats the alternative. I have my health and I am very grateful for that.
6. Work anxiety has been better overall. I am working later today so keeping my fingers crossed that it stays that way.
7. I am grateful for this time of the year. I am doing my best to be cheerful and not make it about spending. I am enjoying being cozy and warm in my house with my family, doing a little decorating, and seeing all the pretty Christmas lights on everyone’s houses and on the stores.
8. I was invited to a neighbor’s Candle party tomorrow (yuk!) but I am working so I had to RSVP no. I still might drop over for a few minutes if I’m not too tired, because that would be the best way to expose myself to the dreaded situation but not have to be there too long. So we’ll see how that does.
Ok guys, it’s Thankful Thursday. What are YOU grateful for today??
I wish you peace,
ps.- If you are struggling with panic attacks right now, please sign up for my newsletter for updates and free tips. If you are at your wit’s end with panic, it is definitely something you’ll be grateful for.