Yesterday sucked so bad. My husband called me around noon and told me his company was filing for bankruptcy. Everything just stopped right then and there and the rest of the day was riddled with job loss anxiety.
By the end of the day something changed and the bankruptcy didn’t happen, but in the interim my husband lost all his business accounts except one.
The only reason I can even sit here and compose a semi coherent thought about what’s going on is that it’s the next day…
His company may still go belly up in the next few days. We will definitely have a major loss of income and possibly his complete job loss.
Anxiety monster is in full swing…
After I got off the phone with him yesterday my head was spinning. One of the kids was home sick and I had errands to run, so I just decided to do them. I felt like I had too much energy bottled up inside me. I felt if I tried acting as if everything was normal, maybe I could calm down. So off to run errands I went.
I tuned the radio off in the car right away and just started talking to God.
“Please help us. I am really scared. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t do anything right now so just help me get the dog food at PetSmart. This sucks so bad. Please help me not to forget that You are there..”
The errand list was just some necessities- crickets for the lizard, dog food for Buddy, and a pair of cheap gloves for Samantha. Before I got the phone call I thought I would treat myself to either a manicure or a new candle or something small.
Since we’re a shoestring budget starting NOW, I could not in any way justify spending one red cent on me for something that wasn’t absolutely necessary. So right away I decided this errand run would be more about helping me to stop freaking out and not about having a nice time and trying to treat myself for having a good week with my anxiety.
Walking around I had some depersonalization– not a huge surprise, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.
I felt very distanced – and different- from everyone in the stores. I looked at everyone with a sort of weird envy because they sure didn’t look like their husbands just suffered a catastrophic income loss and possible complete job loss.
I kept trying to remember to keep completely focused on the tasks at hand. At one point I called home and forgot why. The racing thoughts were very distracting and it was hard.
Anxiety Monster: You’re going to lose your house you know. In this economy you’ll take a huge loss. Moving will mess up the kids. Don’t even bother getting the car with the check engine light fixed. You can’t afford it. Bob’s probably going to have a heart attack from the stress. And here you were thinking you’d get your nails done today?
I just kept noticing other people in the stores and wondering, Is anyone else is going through this today?? Are all these people shopping today out of sheer necessity like me or are they on some joyful shopping excursion?
Anxiety Monster: Wow that lady over there has a nice manicure, she obviously has no job loss worries. This saleslady over here is so calm and nice, I bet she is just going home tonight to have dinner and go to bed. What a nice life. And here you are losing your mind. You should be very, VERY worried…
Honestly I know job loss anxiety is so prevalent now. I just always hoped I wouldn’t be one to have to experience it. 😉
When I was at the last store I got in touch with my husband for an update. That’s when he said the company wasn’t closing, at least not for now, but that he’d lost all his accounts except for one.
So whatever. That’s my reality right now. I am so glad it’s the next day. Today I have a little clarity.
I know that whatever it is we’re going through This Too Shall Pass.
I am still scared but right now I’m fine. I am going to just do whatever I need to do today and then go to work this afternoon, and that’s all I can do really.
I know no matter what, we will be alright. If we have to sell our house or go without things we will still be fine. We are both able bodied people and hard workers so I know we will eventually be back to normal- whatever the new normal for us may be. Its just that losing all he’s worked for his whole life for is scary as hell!
Anyhow, I am grateful to be out of the anxiety thinking trap for now and happy to be awake and in a new day.
I wish you peace,
Recommended Resource- If anyone else is going through job loss anxiety, this can help: Keep your financial worries in their place. Firmly. (hypnosis download)